Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Hey, Four-Eyes!

I've been a glasses wearer since I was a little kid. I have very few memories of me or my brother that don't include glasses, in fact. (Our younger sister was spared for a little longer; she's the least myopic of the three of us.)

Few of my glasses-related memories are good ones. My friend Gigi delights in her glasses and, as she told me this morning, can't understand why anyone *wouldn't* want to wear glasses if given the chance. My friend Jessie wore fake glasses in high school because she liked the way they looked.

Not me. I despised my glasses from the very first pair, a dreadful octagonal blue granny frame that my mother, for reasons I can't fathom, fell in love with. The eighties arrived and I had the enormous beetle-face frames everyone wore back then - but my prescription was so strong that they weighed about eleven pounds and constantly slid down my face. As soon as I saved enough waitressing money I bought contacts--but it turned out I have sensitive eyes. Contacts and I began a mutually antagonistic relationship that lasted for decades, until several days ago. My eyes were always red, irritated, teary, and because of my astigmatisms, not very well corrected. Clear vision was not one of my assets, but I worked around that by ignoring what the professor wrote on the board, guessing at highway signage, and wearing my contacts in inadvisable conditions like camping without fresh water and waterskiing and stumbling home from parties at 4am.

Insecurity didn't help matters. I now understand the very sexy allure of the right pair of glasses (and, lucky me, have amassed a stunning collection of reading glasses which I will wear for working), but as a young person I was convinced that any man, given the choice between kissing a bespectacled girl and one who was not, would never choose me.

so creepy!
Two weeks ago I had LASIK. Now I wake up and *see*. With uncorrected vision of 20/450, this is nothing short of miraculous. I'm thrilled. The procedure itself was creepy as hell, and so is my eye currently, but soooo worth it. I'm going to go to the movies, stay up all night, go camping, fall asleep with a book, wear too much makeup, borrow my friends' eyeliner--all the things I've never been able to do without miserable consequences.

And then I'm going to wear my very sexiest reading glasses on a date. :)

PS Thanks and love to Nurse Julie. How many hospital waiting rooms is that that we've almost been thrown out of now? Though I'm sure the nice lady across the room is still wondering what was so funny about "We Bought A Zoo."


GunDiva said...

I am far too chicken to have LASIK done. I can only imagine how wonderful it is to live life sans contacts/glasses, but the thought of someone pointing a laser in my eye scares the bejesus out of me. Probably seeing the movie Conspiracy Theory with Mel Gibson didn't help, when they pried his eyes open with that contraption.

I'm glad you are enjoying being able to see 24/7!

Sophie Littlefield said...

well yes, the eye prying, lasering, and other indignities i won't mention were kind of horrible. but the results are magical! :) btw, Conspiracy Theory is one of my favorite movies

Barbara said...

Congratulations on being able to see without glasses! I had a kind of lasik and remember how nerve-wracking it was to keep focus on that dot. Most recently I had cataract surgery on both eyes. I had lost vision completely in one eye, with the other not much better. I can completely relate to the excitement and desire to do *everything* you can think of. (BTW, I just discovered the Stella Hardesty series and have a new heroine.)

Sophie said...

thanks barbara. so glad your cataract surgery was successful and that you're out enjoying! and, thanks for reading Stella :)