Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day Three - Only Twenty-Seven to Go

So to cheer myself up I painted my nails...purple of course to match cast. Also am plenty amused by friends' play-by-play texts from the Romantic Times bar scene. Sigh...wish I was there.


Rather than whine (cause I'm tempted, though my friend R. is in her way over with emergency *cheer* of the liquid sort) I thought I'd share this sterling advice from a writer pal who went through this herself not long ago. You may wish to clip and save if - like me - you are the clumsy sort!

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Rule # 1: Avoid housework at all cost. You have a cast...aka, a built in excuse...USE it to your FULL advantage! Simply think of your hand covered plaster as a handy pointer to wave at objects that need to be picked up, moved, dusted, vacuumed, etc. If the housecleaners...aka children...give you any gruff, club them over the head with your "pointer." They'll hop to your next command without delay!

Rule # 2: Call your editor - TODAY - and tell her that your manuscript/revisions/copyedits/page proofs will be late. When she asks which one of those you mean, let her know you mean all of them. You have a built in excuse...USE it to your FULL advantage! If she attempts to argue, begin telling her exactly how you broke your hand, describe it in all its terrible gory glory as only someone as adept at descriptions like you could. Wait for her to tell you that it's just fine, you may take all the time you need, and that she really must be off to a (completely made-up) meeting.

Rule # 3: Call your agent and inform him/her of your terrible, nearly fatal injury. Let him/her know that you are in near constant pain, and the only thing that could possibly ease the awful discomfort is a shiny new lucrative contract for your next book. Make sure to mention that you've just had a lovely chat with your editor, and now might be the perfect time for him/her to make that call.

Rule # 4: Do not exercise! Avoid doing anything that could in fact make your hand swell. Have one of your housecleaners...aka the children...locate some comfortable pants, (with elastic waistband) for easy dressing. Also, be sure to keep your strength up. Fuel that broken hand with plenty of sugary calories! You're eating for two now, you know...you, and that cast!

Rule # 5: Tell everyone within a 50 mile radius of your terrible plight. Be sure to mention how difficult it is for you to cook even a simple meal. During said discussions, make sure to have your calendar at the ready to easily schedule all their visits and accompanying casseroles.

Rule # 6: Spend your time usefully by watching lots and lots of TV. You know how new story ideas can come from anywhere, right? Why not take advantage of the vast array of ready-made ideas the boob tube can provide? And plan ahead - make sure your helpers...aka, the children...have arranged a nice array of snacks within easy reach to help fuel those creative juices!

Rule # 7: This is perhaps the MOST important bit of advice I have. If you have been prescribed painkillers...at ALL COST, avoid answering interview questions! Just say, "Not now, I've broken my hand and simply don't feel up to it." Then, hang up immediately. Do not answer a single question...especially not on tape! (I actually learned this rule too late...true story!) :)

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