Thursday, December 22, 2011

Along Publishers Row...

I have been meaning to mention for a while that I got a few column inches in the Author's Guild Bulletin a while back, in their "Along Publishers Row" feature. It wasn't a huge deal or anything - they were reprinting a few of my comments on doing research - but it was still a cool moment for me because, I mean, it's like the *AUTHOR'S* guild. You know, for real, professional authors.

I guess I still am battling a little of Impostor Syndrome. Where I feel like, at any moment, "They" will come along and say it was all a mistake, that it was some *other* Sophie Littlefield who they meant to give the book contract to, that I really ought to go back to doing what I was doing before, letting my dreams simmer on the back of the stove.

I think we all have different ideas about what constitutes "making it," whether it's a paycheck or a review venue or an online ranking or a bookstore shelf. To my surprise, it's an ongoing process. I never had a moment where I felt like I went from striver to professional. It's been a gradual thing and honestly, some days I feel like an amateur all over again.

I don't really mind, though, for a couple of reasons. First of all, a little uncertainty keeps my determination fine-honed. And second, I love these moments - and there are many, if you stop to enjoy them - when I am reminded that I really am doing what I set out to do.


Daisy said...

It's interesting-- I was just talking with a friend about impostor syndrome yesterday. She's a chemistry PhD with a tenure-track position at a university, and she was saying pretty much the same thing about her feelings as you were. Apparently, in the sciences at least, it's a lot more common in women than in men. I wonder if that holds true in writing too?

LP OBryan said...

I admire the honesty of your post.

I am an author with his first book coming out from a major publisher Jan 19 and I too feel it's almost not true. How can one become what one always wanted, when such a thing was so hard to achieve, but in the end it was like breaking through a wall of sand?

Uncertainty seems to be the legacy of making dreams come true. Its-gonna-all-fall-apart-soon disorder is a similar psychiatric diagnosis for all us artistic strivers. Good luck with yours and let me know when you find a treatment!

Carmen said...

I can so understand this. Although not making a living from what I want to do (yet!) My goal this year is to say proudly I am an Artist... without tagging a joke on the end.